Introducing My Youtube Page featuring the "Black Bag Therapist"

You're invited! During the pandemic of #COVID19 I felt a sense of loss - loss of what was known, what was normal, and yes, what was to come. #COVID19 did a number on us all. It was a time of great revelation - that there are personal traumas, and then there are collective traumas. This is the latter.

I recognized that while sitting across from my clients, a part of me held some of the same questions, concerns, worries and fears. If there ever was a time when I connected to their pain, this was it!

I realized I lost a part of control. #COVID19 brought so many unknowns it has literally taken the breath out of us. I had to figure out a way to regain some of what was lost...

So I created a Mindfulness Garden, and I am inviting you to go on this journey with me.

You're probably asking what is a "Black Bag Therapist?" Well, I explain that in my intro, you can watch the video below, but to summarize, we all have experiences that have negatively impacted our lives. While ALL of our experiences are put in our black bag (think luggage), sometimes the negative experiences weight us down.

As the Black Bag Therapist, I help you learn to reframe, revise, revamp and reorganize those things in your Black Bag (called life), so you can live a life of wellness.

Using the process of my Mindfulness Garden, I take you on a journey,connecting my experiences to trauma, therapy, and the process of growth that can lead to a more fruitful life. You will find tidbits and tools that you can apply to your life, humor, and just plain ole me in my element. :)

Enjoy!

My Personal Journey with Brainspotting

As a therapist, I believe it is important to be the first partaker of what you preach, sort to speak. In other words, it’s challenging for me to talk about things like mindfulness, self care, and even the importance of getting therapy, if I have not experienced it myself. Thankfully it was a requirement in grad school; but let me tell you I was more than happy to go!

I understand the importance of doing my own healing work on a personal level, because I am just that – human. Sometimes you get the best of both - training and healing, and that's what happened during my Brainspotting training. I thought it would be nice to go behind the scenes and share my experience with you.

On my way back from training, while walking through the airport I saw a sign, “Everyone has a black bag.” Of course, they were talking about luggage and making sure you did not grab someone else’s luggage, but that thing stuck with me.

As I reflected on that statement I recognized the power, truth, and revelation of its meaning. We all have a ‘black bag.’ We have all witnessed or experienced something disturbing, distressing, or overwhelming in our lives, and likely multiple times and in a myriad of ways. I wish I could say no one is exempt, but that would not be realistic. There is nothing more inclusive and isolating than a traumatic experience. We all have our own stories to tell.

Human first, then therapist, I’ll be the first to admit I have a black bag. It's comforting and reassuring to know that there is a specialist out there that can help me sort and work through my black bag so I don’t accidentally mix it up with your black bag. I understand how important it is to find the right therapist. Indeed it is a process. If you haven't found the right one - don't stop searching.

Now, on to my experience.

Four days. Four days of learning and shedding layers through Brainspotting (BSP) training.

I went into this both excited and skeptical. Yes I said that. But this happens frequently when we are faced with the unknown and uncertainty. Heck, even when you know and are certain, you can still be skeptical, but I digress. The point in all of this is to acknowledge where you are, and “trust the process,” a phrase that was heard numerous times during grad school.

What is Brainspotting? I won't go into a lot of details. You can find lots of information at www.brainspotting.com. Instead, I'll provide information about how Brainspotting came into being. David Grand PhD, stumbled upon this technique while working with a client who, although had great success in over a year of therapy, still found herself stuck in a loop the prevented her from accomplishing a very important task. Dr. Grand, also strong in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), found that the client’s eyes wobbled and froze as Dr. Grand moved his fingers across the client's visual field. While holding his fingers in the spot that the client's gaze was fixed, new material emerged from the client, even after a year of intensive treatment. Even more astounding, the client who previously struggled with that particular task, was able to complete the task the following day!

Dr. Grand continued experimenting with this phenomenon and ultimately Brainspotting was birthed. In short, Brainspotting locates points in the client’s visual field that help to access unprocessed trauma in the sub cortical brain. I encourage you to find out more about Brainspotting at www.brainspotting.com.

Back to my story. At the training, held personally by Dr. Grand (what an honor), I was both the clinician and the client. Surrounded by clinicians who share the passion to heal clients and communities, and to be healed. It was four days of being amongst kindred spirits, united for a cause.

So what did I learn about during my experience with Brainspotting? Here’s my caveat before I go forward - I’m sharing my experience with you on a basic level. My experience is unique to my life, so although the pragmatics of the process is the same, the unfolding process will be yours and yours alone.

The #1 thing I learned about the BSP process: Sometimes the problem isn’t the whole problem, it’s just part of the problem, and the answer can be found inside the problem.

I know this sounds confusing so allow me to expound. Often times we have situations that occur in life that cause us to become ‘reactive,’ and our reaction becomes the norm. We don’t really know why we are responding in that manner, but deep down inside we know there’s something wrong with it. Whelp, you’re right. In my process, I started with what was distressing me and how it was showing up in my body. It was pretty uncomfortable but I stuck with it. That thing began to unfold in the most unlikely ways. I felt like I was all over the place, but reflecting back the pieces of the puzzle were formulating, taking shape, and being more appropriately placed. I’m a visual and this is a reflective experience so I hope you can see what I’m saying.

I think it’s important to reiterate what I said above – during the process, I felt like I was all over the place. There were realizations, ah ha moments, and powerful reflections. As a person who thrives in connecting the dots, I had to really let go and trust the process. I had to trust the person sitting in front of me, and I did not know that person. This is much of what it’s like in the therapeutic process. The connection with your therapist is paramount to the healing process. Although I did not now the clinician, we connected within moments after talking. I felt comfortable, even safe, sensing empathy before we even began. The environment was also safe.

Has that ever happened with you? You walk into a doctor or therapist's office and feel connected immediately, like oh yes, I can sit here for hours and feel supported and heard. That’s what I got from this clinician. I felt connected - we felt connected. In BSP, it's called attunement.

As I gazed at the pointer and unpacked what needed to be released, it was like different pictures, thoughts began to surface. Now, I knew there was something behind my challenge. I am a therapist so I wanted to find the underlying issue. So I realized that the problem I started out with wasn’t really the problem, there was a deeper source of the problem. Oddly enough, or maybe not so oddly enough, I hadn’t recognized the deeper source of the problem. It was tucked away in an earlier situation in my life that I would have never connected with my current situation. However, as I reflected back, it made so much sense.

Yes, there were lots of emotions, including tears, some smiling and laughs. Most of all, it was like a burden was lifting. I knew my co-partner was with me every step of the way, even though she didn’t say much (that’s the process of BSP). When the moment was right, because we were connected in that moment, it seemed as though she knew what to say and when to say it (that’s attunement), and it greatly enhanced the depth of my experience. It's not always easy to sit with uncomfortable sensations and feelings, but I knew it was okay to do so because she was with me. Sometimes I verbalized things that were coming up, sometimes I just sat with it in silence.

It was a gentle yet powerful process of healing and revelation. It was comforting to know that tags and titles were put aside, and I was allowed the space for my humanistic self to receive healing. We all need to be healed from something. Pain is universal. No one goes untouched. I can honestly say I received another level of healing.

As a human, I have my own challenges and I’m not ashamed to say it. Therapy is a beautiful, powerful tool that provides connection, validation, healing, and encouragement to those who have been wounded – which is everyone. As I said when I started out, we all have a black bag, whether large or small. And we all deserve the opportunity to bring our black bag to the table, open and reveal its contents to allow healing to take place, for in these spaces we can also find ways to revamp and reframe those tools as they are placed back in our black bags. For you see, our life experiences aren’t dumped in a never land box. We are often shaped by life’s experiences – not built, but shaped.

We are built to connect, love, survive and thrive. The things we experience in life can muddy the waters and create an artificial edifice of beliefs and pictures of who we are. When we allow ourselves the opportunity to work through those situations that feel like a tone of bricks weighing us down, we can experience a complete metamorphosis. Just like the butterfly – what you look like in the beginning doesn’t have to be what you look like in the end. BSP is a tool that can help you make the transition.

I, like you, am on a journey, a path to living my best life. Trauma causes you to spend so much time looking backwards that you miss what is ahead of you, and sometimes what is in front of you. Sure, the path ahead can seem scary and unknown, but when you think about it, so did the previous path in your journey, and yet you made it to this place. And now it's time to continue on in this journey called life. Trauma can leave you bruised and may be broken, but there are healers out there, like me, that are here to hold space with you in your restoration process. I was honored both to sit in that place to be healed, and to sit in that place as a healer.

As I said in the beginning, it was 4 days of training. I am an advocate of learning and will never stop, and I am glad I had the opportunity to train with the developer of Brainspotting, Dr. David Grand. He is a wise, intelligent, gentleman who is passionate about helping people heal.

As a therapist trained in both EMDR and Brainspotting, I see the benefits of offering both services. These two modalities are different, but both work well to resolve residual and underlying trauma.

If you would like more information about therapy, Brainspotting and whether we are a good fit, contact me through www.butterflyeffectccc.com.

Why Your Healing is Important

Today I spent half a day in CPR training. Afterwards, I found myself pondering on the importance of this critical procedure, and how it relates to #therapy. Soooo, you're the lucky winner of my inner dialogue! :)

"If the cabin loses pressure, air masks will drop from the ceiling. Please apply the mask to yourself first, and then help your neighbor."

You have probably heard this a thousand times on airplanes, and most people have become immune to it. We fiddle around, playing games on our cell phones. We read books or articles, or maybe we have already sunken into a deep slumber. The flight attendant is diligent, performing the instructions to the passengers as if it's his/her first time, yet very likely praying the flight will not require the use of the air masks since half the people weren't listening. It's a simple process, but it may not be so simple in a moment of chaos.

There is so much truth to this, especially when it comes to #mentalhealth. Sometimes we think #counseling is for everybody else but us. Add to that the mental health stigma, and we find more reasons not to listen to the inner cries for help. We keep ourselves busy because if we sit down for a moment, the feelings and sounds will become deafening and unbearable.

It's hard to tend to others when your inner world is less than calm. It's hard to tend to yourself when you are weighted down with #anxiety, #depression, and #trauma.

But...

If you give yourself permission to listen to that still, small voice inside, maybe you can hear it..."it's okay to apply your mask first. You need CPR."

My role as a #therapist is to provide CPR to you. You see, those things - the memories, the distresses, the worries, the loneliness - all of those things that are held in your neuro network and body require some form of pressure to be released. The techniques used to create the pressure may be in the form of #EMDR, #mindfulness, #CBT, #sandtray, or some other creative tool, but the greatest tool is the #therapeutic #relationship.

You see, you are not left to deal with the pressure by yourself. A good #therapist also provides rescue breaths so your heart doesn't stop from the pain of the release. It's okay to #breathe.

We stay. We support. We encourage. We help you work through your #transformation. We help you to #heal from the inside out.

Why?

So you can in turn provide CPR to someone else.

"As soon as healing takes place, go out and heal someone else." Maya Angelou

You see, I believe there is someone out there waiting for you to heal, so you can help them heal. It doesn't have to be in the form of therapy. We each have a unique gift. Yours doesn't have to look like mine and vise versa. It's important that you do what is true and authentic to you.

CPR - Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation. There are so many people with broken, hurting hearts in this world. Hearts that have literally stopped beating. People are walking around like the walking dead. But through relationship, caring, and sharing an overcoming testimony, a word of encouragement, and being supportive, you can bring hope and restoration to someone.

Your healing, my dear, is critical to the mission. It's critical to the mission of your life. It's critical to the mission - of life.

The air mask has dropped. It's time for you to administer healing to yourself - to allow yourself to be revived. A #therapist can do that with you. Your healing is important. You owe it to yourself.

Sure, we can't heal everyone, and honestly that's not your role. It's not mine either. But I've been called to someone, and that someone might be you. And you've been called to someone. Your healing is important, for the sake of humanity.

If you would like more information and you're ready to put on your mask, reach out. Let's have the discussion about what healing can look like for you.

Best,

Shelly

www.butterflyeffectccc.com

469-409-1212